Reminiscence
by Phoenix1337
Summary: The Doctor would never forget Rose. Not ever, as long as he had breath in his lungs, and even beyond that.


_One, two, three, four, I declare a Time War_

He had lost everything. That accursed war had destroyed his home and his family and everything he had ever known. He had been so close, so very close to being able to save everyone but he had been a coward and chosen to flee. Just like always, it was better for him to run than to fight because that was his life. A life of running from the truth that will always be, no matter how much he wanted to change it.

_Five, six, seven, eight, Daleks scream "exterminate!"_

Daleks. Those accursed beings that destroyed his planet and every living Time Lord on it. Those that hunted down the survivors of the destruction and killed them until he was the only one left. The last Time Lord, trapped by the one thing he was known to control. Time. He hated the Daleks with every fiber of his being but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop admiring them too. The Daleks were everything he wanted. Unified, precise, eternal as a whole. He was a broken piece of something he never really knew and hopelessly lost. No precision for him, just troubled chaos.

_Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, the Doctor died and silence fell_

Death. It was painfully sweet, as he remembered. Each regeneration was painful, but for small moments he could imagine that everything was all right even though it wasn't. But no matter how much he might want to at times, he refused to completely die. He was the last Time Lord. He would not allow the Daleks to destroy his kind completely but it they did, he would use his dying breath to spit in their metaphorical faces. He lived so his family, his world could live through him.

_Twelve, eleven, ten, nine, the Doctor goes back in time_

He had often asked himself that question. Why couldn't he go back? Why couldn't he go back and warn his people of the Daleks? No matter how many times he asked, the answer was always the same. Because it wouldn't have done any good. Because everything would change anyway, and he would be even lonelier than before. It was fate, destiny, whatever you wanted but it had to happen even though it was too soon.

_Eight, seven, six, five, saving everybody's lives_

That one time where he didn't have to sacrifice anyone was the best time of his life. Everyone lived! Even Jack, who had nearly died to save everyone, the stubborn man. The poor Empty child and his young mother, Rose, the entire Earth. For once, everybody lived. But it wouldn't last. It could never last. There was a war then, and they would have died anyway. But that feeling of success was too great to ignore. For that small, tiny moment he could believe it wasn't the humans he had saved but everyone he knew before the Time War. But saving Rose was what felt most important to him then.

_Four, three, two, one, grab her hand and whisper, "Run."_

Oh, Rose. Of all his beloved companions, she was special. She was a survivor and the most intelligent human (in his opinion) he had met. Her blonde hair and blue eyes framed by her dark, mascara-coated lashes. Those perfect lips that always smiled warmly at him. She had been willing to die for him just so they could be together in the end. Her stubbornness was perhaps her most annoying and endearing quality.

She had always been there for him. She had always wanted to be by his side even when it meant death for her. She had looked into the Tardis and survived just to rescue him. Just for him and her. He would never forget the words Bad Wolf because they brought back everything about Rose, from the way she walked to their first kiss that had fireworks going off inside his head and had set his blood aflame.

That day at Bad Wolf Bay would forever be burned into his memory. He had been so close, so very close but the transmission failed and he never got to say those three oh so important words that sat in his heart like lead weights now.

He loved her and never got to tell her. But she knew, and that was okay. She always knew, he thought. She loved him and knew that he loved her so everything would be fantastic. And even now when he knew she was gone and his palm was empty and cold, if he stretched his fingers just enough, he could feel her reaching back and he felt as if everything would be fine.


End file.
